Well, first let me say that of all the tools and principles in recovery, loving-kindness is the most important of them.

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbe8yOZX4eF9fk4jp9z5uGU3dYSyATv3whrMGx5jRWngJUoeYHZ1GDrk6J_4-nOJBscaMJZq4OMRH8bbRuL2jJ71u0spkEOIFIqQHgdQgQXVHGTdFEtsL20qE1_sM0y5yQujpy4lXsp72o/s1600/1-1-The+Ten+Stages234-007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbe8yOZX4eF9fk4jp9z5uGU3dYSyATv3whrMGx5jRWngJUoeYHZ1GDrk6J_4-nOJBscaMJZq4OMRH8bbRuL2jJ71u0spkEOIFIqQHgdQgQXVHGTdFEtsL20qE1_sM0y5yQujpy4lXsp72o/s320/1-1-The+Ten+Stages234-007.jpg" width="207" /></a></div> <span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Well, first let me say that of all the tools and principles in recovery, loving-kindness is the most important of them. You might ask, isn’t compassion the most important – well, yes, but to practice loving-kindness, one must have compassion. Loving-Kindness is the quintessential lesson that we are asked to learn on The Ten Stages Path. And, because of that, it’s also the hardest.<br /><br /> <br /><br />You see, Loving - Kindness is one of those things that can only happen after something REALLY intense and negative has gone down.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Loving-Kindness isn’t a lesson we learn with a smile on our face. In order to TRULY be able to practice Loving-Kindness, we must first be betrayed, either by ourselves or by someone else. And when that happens, unless you are an enlightened Master, there’s a compassion curve that begins. Some of us never complete our compassion curve – we hold onto a grudge until we die. And that is the worst kind of life; a life lived in the constant and perpetual pain of wishing the past could be different than it was – an impossible wish and also a really great excuse NOT to grow into our recovery.<br /><br /> <br /><br />The Compassion Arc starts with accepting and coming to terms with what happened. Depending on the nature of the event, this may be very easy or very hard. Many times we push down things we don’t want to remember, but when we do that, they tend to pop up in all kinds of weird ways. First we must accept that it happened. This doesn’t make it right, but it does put us in touch with the truth.<br /><br /> <br /><br />After we accept what happened, then we must step into feeling the feelings we feel, and not doing anything about them. And knowing that we are not a bad person for feeling this way – it’s totally normal and natural to feel negative feelings around an event that requires loving-kindness. We give full expression to the pain through journaling, through therapy/life and through meditation. First we accept, then we feel – without making our feelings wrong.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Then, we give expression to our feelings. This could be writing it out, journaling, compassion – all those things help us to express the emotions. As we begin to do this, we step out of the certainty of anger and embrace the uncertainty of the sadness that is below the anger – and we express it.<br /><br /> <br /><br />If we do not begin to reframe what happened, then we will go back into anger and begin a vicious loop of anger into sadness into anger into sadness. That loop will continue until we step into the next phase – which I call Loving-Kindness A.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Loving-Kindness A is where we are willing to forgive whoever hurt us – this includes forgiving ourselves. This doesn’t make what they did right, but it does begin to free us from the pain and sadness cycle. We forgive them, not for them and not to let them off the hook, but to free ourselves. After a while, if we do not do this, we are actually letting them win by holding onto the pain. The best way to get back at someone who hurt you is to forgive him or her, because then you get to take your power back and they no longer hold dominion over your life.<br /><br /> <br /><br />As we step into Loving-Kindness A, life gets better. We are beginning to move on. It’s not as bad as it used to be – the charge is less.<br /><br /> <br /><br />And most people stay in Loving-Kindness A, which is totally fine and perfect. And if you can get here, that is a MAJOR win.<br /><br /> <br /><br />But Loving-Kindness B... that is the place that is the hardest to get to, yet it's the most rewarding – and the most confronting.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Loving-Kindness B takes compassion to a whole new level. Loving-Kindness B is the level of compassion and empathy on which Jesus, Buddha and the like practiced loving-kindness. And it’s hard. Level B loving-kindness asks us not only to forgive those who hurt us, but also to have compassion for them. And see that, from their point of view, they are in tremendous pain and their act against us was just a very messed up request for empathy. So, we step into Loving-kindness those that hurt us. This doesn’t mean they have to become out best friends; we can have compassion for them from a distance, but if we get here – we are totally free. And we can express our true compassion to those who have hurt us most – which will help to set them free as well. Because they are still suffering from the event, just as you are.<br /><br /> <br /><br />And when we step into loving-kindness B, we also see that what we once thought was a horrible event, we now see as Grace, and an event that shaped our lives in a way that – even though it was extremely difficult – was a part of our lives that happened to help us grow. When we can see events that hurt us as Grace, then we are totally free and nothing will ever be able to touch us again.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Wherever you are on the Compassion Arc, it’s okay and perfect for this moment. One of the worst things we can do is try to rush this process. Compassion is an acceptance process and it is very personal.<br /><br /> <br /><br />The one thing I would like to share is that when we get there, we have totally gotten the best kind of personal solution we could ever imagine – because we are living a life that is no longer touched by the negative ghosts of the past! So, don’t practice loving-kindness exclusively for them, practice Loving-Kindness for you!</span><div style="background-color: white; color: #0b175f; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;"> <br /></div> <div class="zemanta-related" style="clear: both; margin-top: 20px; overflow: hidden;"> <h4 class="zemanta-related-title"> Related articles</h4> <ul class="zemanta-article-ul zemanta-article-ul-image" style="margin: 0; overflow: hidden; padding: 0;"> <li class="zemanta-article-ul-li-image zemanta-article-ul-li" style="background: none; display: block; float: left; font-size: 11px; list-style: none; margin: 2px 10px 10px 2px; padding: 0; text-align: left; vertical-align: top; width: 84px;"><a href="http://intuitivevoices.blogspot.com/2015/06/the-key-to-loving-kindness-practice-is.html" style="border-radius: 2px; box-shadow: 0px 0px 4px #999; display: block; padding: 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><img src="//i.zemanta.com/348787251_80_80.jpg" style="border: 0; display: block; 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Well, first let me say that of all the tools and principles in recovery, loving-kindness is the most important of them.

Well, first let me say that of all the tools and principles in recovery, loving-kindness is the most important of them. You might ask, isn...

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