Stagers Mind of Calm

True Recovery comes through the true self, our child within.

Fraser Trevor

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Title: True Recovery comes through the true self, our child within.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

True Recovery comes through the true self, our child within. The perfect conduit for recovery is an honest person—pure of heart, healed o...

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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">True Recovery comes through the true self, our child within.  The perfect conduit for recovery is an honest person—pure of heart, healed of trauma.  For recovery to come through us without distortion, we must not be barricaded by defences or poisoned by resentments from the past.  We must become a clear child within.<br /><br />If we are living not from our child within but from a defended, distorted reality we will fail to recover truly.  If, in childhood, we have hidden our true selves from the crippling clutches of our history,familial and ancestral a world that would crush us and we have not healed this, our adult expressions of recovery will be distorted.  Until our true self is redeemed, our recovery will be filtered through our child’s murky memories of terror and betrayal and will always have a hidden agenda:  a secret, unconscious need for rescue, and when that fails—revenge.  We will be incapable of affirming the fullness of life in those we claim to love and we will even doubt our own lovability—and withhold affection from ourselves.<br /><br />The source of our compromised ability to recover is rooted in the necessary defences that we built in childhood.  We built these emotional defences to protect our pure essence from the violations we received from our parents and others.  Until we carefully dismantle our defences through our painful grieving process, they will cloud and distort our recovery.  If we refuse to heal, our attempts to recover will never be true.<br /><br />But if we do recover, if we do grieve our past, we will be able to recover, deeply and truly.</span>

True Recovery comes through the true self, our child within.

True Recovery comes through the true self, our child within. The perfect conduit for recovery is an honest person—pure of heart, healed o...

We need to walk in our own nurturance, delight in the pleasure of our own company, and contact our own child within

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: We need to walk in our own nurturance, delight in the pleasure of our own company, and contact our own child within
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

We need to be able to be in contact with ourselves. We need to walk in our own nurturance, delight in the pleasure of our own company, and ...

<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We need to be able to be in contact with ourselves.  We need to walk in our own nurturance, delight in the pleasure of our own company, and contact our own child within—our child within that awaits our attention and affection.  Then we can love others without strings attached.  When we’re in full contact with our child within we can approach others without neediness or a hidden agenda or our old expectations of rescue.<br /><br />If we were neglected as children, we enter adulthood as chronic dissociates.  Now we must take the time alone, without the distractions or projections, in order to contact our child within.  We must take the time to connect to the life force glowing within us.  A stages guide—a guide of caring and respect and boundaries and maturity—who witnesses our true value may provide us the first experience of loving-kindness we’ve ever had.<br /><br />It is easy to avoid self-love by instead misusing others.  We may project our child within onto another and then try to love them.  His or her needy nature calls for our attention.  We see their ache, but not our own.  In fact, we dismiss our own cry for compassion as we project our pain outward, seeking to cure another instead of ourselves.  Or, we may take a different tack to avoid recovery and try to seduce and manipulate love and attention out of others selfishly, because we are unable to give ourselves our own nurture.<br /><br />It is important to remember that love becomes a manipulative bargaining chip when self-love is missing.  When we can take ourselves into contact with our child within our own care, we can then truly begin to love our neighbours as ourselves.</span></span><br />
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We need to walk in our own nurturance, delight in the pleasure of our own company, and contact our own child within

We need to be able to be in contact with ourselves. We need to walk in our own nurturance, delight in the pleasure of our own company, and ...

When we recognise how to go back to our child within and listen carefully every day for five or ten minutes, healing will take place.

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: When we recognise how to go back to our child within and listen carefully every day for five or ten minutes, healing will take place.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

When we recognise how to go back to our child within and listen carefully every day for five or ten minutes, healing will take place. When...

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn_1r8ACaNk3wS9ax2CZ-kDLuXItQrVx3vsiIv0TtdUaKWpz7lXx2ILosLT9Hpgov-IpJFR4hGSvEdHq2cXEl7IoUHGSjTgk_J1Pb6Fi5QzH-IpNXojSKX0E_ZhiLYku9wP9n1VTGyPjg/s1600/350px-Crying-girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn_1r8ACaNk3wS9ax2CZ-kDLuXItQrVx3vsiIv0TtdUaKWpz7lXx2ILosLT9Hpgov-IpJFR4hGSvEdHq2cXEl7IoUHGSjTgk_J1Pb6Fi5QzH-IpNXojSKX0E_ZhiLYku9wP9n1VTGyPjg/s320/350px-Crying-girl.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">When we recognise how to go back to our child within and listen carefully every day for five or ten minutes, healing will take place. When you climb a beautiful mountain, invite our child within to climb with us. When we contemplate the sunset, invite our child to enjoy it with us. If we do that for a few weeks or a few months, the child within us will experience healing and communion with us.<br /><br />With practice, we can see that our child is not only us. Our child within may represent several generations. Our mother may have suffered throughout her life. Our father may have suffered. Perhaps our parents weren’t able to look after the child within themselves. So when we’re embracing the child in us, we’re embracing all the children of our past generations. This practice is not a practice for ourselves alone, but for numberless generations of ancestors and descendants.<br /><br />Our ancestors may not have known how to care for their child within, so they transmitted their child to us. Our practice is to end this cycle. If we can heal our child, we will not only liberate ourselves, but we will also help liberate whoever has hurt or abused us. The abuser may also have been the victim of abuse. There are people who have practiced with their child within for a long time who have had a lessening of their suffering and have experienced transformation. Their relationships with their family and friends have become much easier.</span><br />
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When we recognise how to go back to our child within and listen carefully every day for five or ten minutes, healing will take place.

When we recognise how to go back to our child within and listen carefully every day for five or ten minutes, healing will take place. When...

Well, first let me say that of all the tools and principles in recovery, loving-kindness is the most important of them.

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: Well, first let me say that of all the tools and principles in recovery, loving-kindness is the most important of them.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Well, first let me say that of all the tools and principles in recovery, loving-kindness is the most important of them. You might ask, isn...

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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Well, first let me say that of all the tools and principles in recovery, loving-kindness is the most important of them. You might ask, isn’t compassion the most important – well, yes, but to practice loving-kindness, one must have compassion. Loving-Kindness is the quintessential lesson that we are asked to learn on The Ten Stages Path. And, because of that, it’s also the hardest.<br /><br /> <br /><br />You see, Loving - Kindness is one of those things that can only happen after something REALLY intense and negative has gone down.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Loving-Kindness isn’t a lesson we learn with a smile on our face. In order to TRULY be able to practice Loving-Kindness, we must first be betrayed, either by ourselves or by someone else. And when that happens, unless you are an enlightened Master, there’s a compassion curve that begins. Some of us never complete our compassion curve – we hold onto a grudge until we die. And that is the worst kind of life; a life lived in the constant and perpetual pain of wishing the past could be different than it was – an impossible wish   and also a really great excuse NOT to grow into our recovery.<br /><br /> <br /><br />The Compassion Arc starts with accepting and coming to terms with what happened. Depending on the nature of the event, this may be very easy or very hard. Many times we push down things we don’t want to remember, but when we do that, they tend to pop up in all kinds of weird ways. First we must accept that it happened. This doesn’t make it right, but it does put us in touch with the truth.<br /><br /> <br /><br />After we accept what happened, then we must step into feeling the feelings we feel, and not doing anything about them. And knowing that we are not a bad person for feeling this way – it’s totally normal and natural to feel negative feelings around an event that requires loving-kindness. We give full expression to the pain through journaling, through therapy/life and through meditation. First we accept, then we feel – without making our feelings wrong.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Then, we give expression to our feelings. This could be writing it out, journaling, compassion – all those things help us to express the emotions. As we begin to do this, we step out of the certainty of anger and embrace the uncertainty of the sadness that is below the anger – and we express it.<br /><br /> <br /><br />If we do not begin to reframe what happened, then we will go back into anger and begin a vicious loop of anger into sadness into anger into sadness. That loop will continue until we step into the next phase – which I call Loving-Kindness A.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Loving-Kindness A is where we are willing to forgive whoever hurt us – this includes forgiving ourselves. This doesn’t make what they did right, but it does begin to free us from the pain and sadness cycle. We forgive them, not for them and not to let them off the hook, but to free ourselves. After a while, if we do not do this, we are actually letting them win by holding onto the pain. The best way to get back at someone who hurt you is to forgive him or her, because then you get to take your power back and they no longer hold dominion over your life.<br /><br /> <br /><br />As we step into Loving-Kindness A, life gets better. We are beginning to move on. It’s not as bad as it used to be – the charge is less.<br /><br /> <br /><br />And most people stay in Loving-Kindness A, which is totally fine and perfect. And if you can get here, that is a MAJOR win.<br /><br /> <br /><br />But Loving-Kindness B... that is the place that is the hardest to get to, yet it's the most rewarding – and the most confronting.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Loving-Kindness B takes compassion to a whole new level. Loving-Kindness B is the level of compassion and empathy on which Jesus, Buddha and the like practiced loving-kindness. And it’s hard. Level B loving-kindness asks us not only to forgive those who hurt us, but also to have compassion for them. And see that, from their point of view, they are in tremendous pain and their act against us was just a very messed up request for empathy. So, we step into Loving-kindness those that hurt us. This doesn’t mean they have to become out best friends; we can have compassion for them from a distance, but if we get here – we are totally free. And we can express our true compassion to those who have hurt us most – which will help to set them free as well. Because they are still suffering from the event, just as you are.<br /><br /> <br /><br />And when we step into loving-kindness B, we also see that what we once thought was a horrible event, we now see as Grace, and an event that shaped our lives in a way that – even though it was extremely difficult – was a part of our lives that happened to help us grow. When we can see events that hurt us as Grace, then we are totally free and nothing will ever be able to touch us again.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Wherever you are on the Compassion Arc, it’s okay and perfect for this moment. One of the worst things we can do is try to rush this process. Compassion is an acceptance process and it is very personal.<br /><br /> <br /><br />The one thing I would like to share is that when we get there, we have totally gotten the best kind of personal solution we could ever imagine – because we are living a life that is no longer touched by the negative ghosts of the past! So, don’t practice loving-kindness exclusively for them, practice Loving-Kindness for you!</span><div style="background-color: white; color: #0b175f; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">
<br /></div>
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Well, first let me say that of all the tools and principles in recovery, loving-kindness is the most important of them.

Well, first let me say that of all the tools and principles in recovery, loving-kindness is the most important of them. You might ask, isn...

Todays Meditation: We are a drop of water coming home to the beautiful ocean from which we came.

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: Todays Meditation: We are a drop of water coming home to the beautiful ocean from which we came.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

MIND-OF-CALM: We are a drop of water coming home to the beautiful ocean from which we came. In doing so, we can merge into a wave and do f...

Todays Meditation: We are a drop of water coming home to the beautiful ocean from which we came.

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The child within is frozen which is caused by intense fear during childhood.

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: The child within is frozen which is caused by intense fear during childhood.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

The child within is frozen which is caused by intense fear during childhood. It means that the child within was deathly afraid of being ab...

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7XnExRw6_nHkBKxTeoCRV9Mrg0TOoJD9iMgRtPslrPFmRAxXN02P4xBcA2XV1zP0wpNmBVJrU3nWEMkBi15qCn8yI9Un9s25c3a4i4IDHZfMRMMph1HytKbwpFoOKekfuVrGNAqx6l4Q/s1600/1-1-going-marseille600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7XnExRw6_nHkBKxTeoCRV9Mrg0TOoJD9iMgRtPslrPFmRAxXN02P4xBcA2XV1zP0wpNmBVJrU3nWEMkBi15qCn8yI9Un9s25c3a4i4IDHZfMRMMph1HytKbwpFoOKekfuVrGNAqx6l4Q/s320/1-1-going-marseille600.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">The child within is frozen which is caused by intense fear during childhood. It means that the child within was deathly afraid of being abandoned, which for the child means death. The child was deathly afraid of not being accepted, which also means death to a child. The Child Within emotionally die as a reaction to childhood.</span><div class="zemanta-related" style="clear: both; margin-top: 20px; overflow: hidden;">
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The child within is frozen which is caused by intense fear during childhood.

The child within is frozen which is caused by intense fear during childhood. It means that the child within was deathly afraid of being ab...

Different external inputs pull up different unresolved internal emotional problems from our childhoods

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: Different external inputs pull up different unresolved internal emotional problems from our childhoods
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Different external inputs pull up different unresolved internal emotional problems from our childhoods We do not have control over the ex...

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7XnExRw6_nHkBKxTeoCRV9Mrg0TOoJD9iMgRtPslrPFmRAxXN02P4xBcA2XV1zP0wpNmBVJrU3nWEMkBi15qCn8yI9Un9s25c3a4i4IDHZfMRMMph1HytKbwpFoOKekfuVrGNAqx6l4Q/s1600/1-1-going-marseille600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7XnExRw6_nHkBKxTeoCRV9Mrg0TOoJD9iMgRtPslrPFmRAxXN02P4xBcA2XV1zP0wpNmBVJrU3nWEMkBi15qCn8yI9Un9s25c3a4i4IDHZfMRMMph1HytKbwpFoOKekfuVrGNAqx6l4Q/s320/1-1-going-marseille600.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Different external inputs pull up different unresolved internal emotional problems from our childhoods<br /><br /> <br /><br />We do not have control over the external through internal thoughts, beliefs, or images . To re-function well, we have to learn how to work with the world the way it is. Working with external reality, when trying manifest goals and purposes in the world, for example, requires discernment about the actual external context that we live in. Living in external reality requires seeing realistically what our current life can understand, embrace, or see as valuable. <br /><br /> <br /><br />Our Child Within (formed from our earliest experience of life) generalises our life experience to the point where we are not able to clearly see objective external reality. Different external experiences pull out different unresolved  internal responses and reactions. Until we look at our habitual mental and emotional associations from our childhood, we will continue to overlay the past onto our current experience.</span><br />
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Different external inputs pull up different unresolved internal emotional problems from our childhoods

Different external inputs pull up different unresolved internal emotional problems from our childhoods We do not have control over the ex...

Our emotions gained in childhood are always younger than our current age

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: Our emotions gained in childhood are always younger than our current age
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Our emotions gained in childhood are always younger than our current age, formed at a time when we did not rationally understand the trut...

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Our emotions gained in childhood are always younger than our current age, formed at a time when we did not rationally understand the truth of our life. <br /><br /> <br /><br />It is common to try to force ourselves to feel and act more mature than we actually are. Because most of us are scared of the wild irrationality of our child within, we do not ever let our emotions "grow up." Child Within growing pains are just as necessary as physical or mental growing pains. We experience child within growing pains when we honestly admit to our immature emotions. </span><div class="zemanta-related" style="clear: both; margin-top: 20px; overflow: hidden;">
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Our emotions gained in childhood are always younger than our current age

Our emotions gained in childhood are always younger than our current age, formed at a time when we did not rationally understand the trut...

Meditation is about being in contact within ourselves.

Fraser Trevor

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Title: Meditation is about being in contact within ourselves.
Author: Fraser Trevor
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Meditation is about being in contact within ourselves. Inside of us is where we can experience hope, faith, peace, warmth, love, and other...

Meditation is about being in contact within ourselves.

Meditation is about being in contact within ourselves. Inside of us is where we can experience hope, faith, peace, warmth, love, and other...

It is not too late to grow into our child within

Fraser Trevor

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Title: It is not too late to grow into our child within
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

It is not too late to grow into our child within, retaining the capabilities of higher thought, but fully awakening our capacity for i...

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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">It is not too late to grow into our child within, retaining the capabilities of higher thought, but fully awakening our capacity for insight of the intuitive voice.</span><br />
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It is not too late to grow into our child within

It is not too late to grow into our child within, retaining the capabilities of higher thought, but fully awakening our capacity for i...

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